June 25, 2020

45

In my 45th year Karma started losing interest me. So I thought.

I finally gained employment after almost 4 years of joblessness. I thought I could see the light at the end of the basement, but Karma was like “hey big head” and it would be almost two more years before I would get a space of my own.

Despite this, I was glad that I had a steady income. It’s sad how much of my self worth was tied up in having a job, but I felt so much better about myself.

I didn’t finish school because my work schedule and school schedule conflicted.

I got a new hair cut, new style and a new car. The car was a necessity because my commute to work was 2.5 hours each way on top of a 20 minute walk to the nearest bus stop from my sister’s house. After I got my car my commute was 25-30 minutes.

I started dating and eventually got in my first relationship since becoming sober. I was starting to get to a good place and the weight of the last few years was lifting.

I really liked being in a relationship because I could focus on someone other than myself. I know now that this is not a good thing and I used this relationship to avoid addressing issues with myself.

That giddy feeling of being in a new relationship had me writing poetry again and I released my book of poems entitled This is my brain on emotion