June 28, 2020

48

In my 48th year I became a grandma. Having a grandchild brought to the forefront the difference between today’s grandparents and grandparents of yesteryear. I wrote a blog post about it you can read here.

During the last 6 months of my daughter’s pregnancy up to a year after my granddaughter was born they stayed with me.

I started to realize how I put myself last in my own life. I had been going to a therapist off and on for a year and I all I talked to her about was my relationship, and my children.

Now you may say isn’t that what you are supposed to discuss in therapy? Yes but I wasn’t really digging deep. I wasn’t being completely honest with my therapist. I didn’t flat out lie to her, but I avoided discussing what I really needed to address.

For example, I told my therapist about when my relationship was new we didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. It was our first Valentine’s Day and he spent it with his children and not me. My therapist told me that some people didn’t see those things as important and that I shouldn’t read too much into it.

I just accepted her observation and didn’t discuss how I felt about it. I was more concerned with understanding his perspective than being honest about how I felt. I was upset that we didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. To me, the whole point of being in a relationship (especially a new relationship) is to celebrate Valentine’s Day and all other corny couples holidays. Let me be clear, I would never ask anyone to choose me over their children, but I was upset that he didn’t make space for me on that day.

I didn’t disclose to my therapist that I was afraid to rock the boat in my relationship. I was still dealing with residue from an abusive relationship I was in years ago. So as a result in this relationship I didn’t speak up about what I wanted and deserved, I just accepted what was or wasn’t given to me.

I don’t know if I didn’t feel comfortable enough with my therapist or because I have a degree in psychology I was putting on a front.

Anyway, I stopped going to therapy. I’m making it a priority to go back and this time I’m going to make sure I choose the right person. I’ve also made a list of things that I know I need and want to work on to share with my therapist.