**Disclaimer** I wrote this blog post in July 2022 after a breakup. This is how I was feeling in that moment.

After rereading my blog post on what I’ve learned about myself through dating and relationships; and the good man I was dating breaking up with me, I had to ask myself why is it taking me so long to heal?

I’m asking myself this while I’m distracting myself with errands I’m doing for my mother, inquiring if my daughters need anything and contemplating updating my profile on my dating app.

The answer to my question may lie somewhere in the past.

I was thrust into adult responsibilities at a young age when my father died and I wasn’t able to process my emotions around his death, so I put my feelings aside so I could be there for my family. By doing this I learned to put others before me and sacrifice my own wants, needs and feelings for the sake of someone else’s.

I am quicker to consider someone else’s feelings over my own. I’ve created my life in such a way that I haven’t made space to heal and deal with myself.

I got married and had children young. I am the one who puts out fires for my family. I feel guilty saying no and taking time for myself.

Now that my children are adults , I over insert myself in their lives to where I have become an enabler.

When I do have time just to focus on myself, I get into a relationship, or a situationship.

I admit that there is plenty of space for me. I just keep filling it up with other things and tell myself I’ll get to me later.