May 23, 2020

Journaling

I remember as a teen I use to have a diary. I would write in it everyday. My diary was my first therapist, composition book and sketch pad. Collecting problems, poems and pictures.

I kept a diary throughout my young adult life. I stopped briefly after a couple of my boyfriends read my diary. The first boyfriend read some negative things I had written about him when I was upset. The second boyfriend read about my past relationships, got upset and accused me of cheating. Both incidents left me feeling violated. I didn’t keep a diary for about five years after the second violation.

I started journaling (a diary for adults) at the recommendation of a therapist I started seeing. When I started journaling I didn’t write in my journal the way I used to write in my diaries. My early journal entries were vague and I would purposely leave out details for fear someone would read it. Writing in my journal this way wasn’t the cathartic exercise it was meant to be so I had to get over my fear and use my journal for the emotional purge it is meant to be.

I try to stay in the habit of writing in my journal daily. I can tell when I go long periods of time without journaling. I start to feel emotionally backed up.

During this time of uncertainty my journal has allowed me to express my concerns, document the things I am grateful for and make plans for the future.

I have about five full journals that I’ve written in over the past few years that I plan to transcribe into my computer. Maybe a memoir in the making.