In preparation for the new year, I did some cleaning and a small purge.

I was cleaning out boxes and I found old journals dating back 15 years. As I opened each journal and read random entries they read like they were cut and pasted from the previous year.

Each entry covered the same themes; weight, love, money and purpose. One of my goals for the new year is to transcribe my journals to create a memoir but my fear is it will read like the script to Groundhog Day.

After reading “the hamster wheel diaries” I asked myself what keeps my life on repeat each year.?

Fear.

Fear has had me in a chokehold for years. The unknown, the what if’s and the outcomes, all of which I can not control, keeps me stuck sitting on the sidelines as a spectator in my own life.

To overcome fear in the new year I don’t want to make any resolutions, set any unrealistic goals. l’m just going to try. No expectations or anxiety about outcomes, just walk through the fear and see what is on the other side.

I know if I try, I will not always see success but I will definitely see growth and that is more important to me at this stage of my life.

Success is subjective it’s an illusion. It’s the shoulds we tell ourselves. It’s our measurement of our life’s meaning in comparison to someone else’s.

I just want to grow. At the end of the day I just want to say that I lived my life, that I was present and accounted for that I truly experienced life and didn’t let fear continue to be a recurring theme.